


The Absence of Joy

by monimala



Category: Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon? | What Shall I Name This Love?
Genre: Bollywood, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 15:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monimala/pseuds/monimala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written while Arnav was involved with Lavanya, in November of 2011. ASR sleeps with one woman but dreams of another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Absence of Joy

Lavanya climbs into his bed each night, sneaking down the hall after Naani and Di have gone to sleep. Shedding the clean, _gharwa_ image she wears during the day, she does all the things a good Indian girl shouldn’t. She puts her hands on him, her mouth. She brings him off as he fists his hands in her hair and imagines she’s someone else.

Khushi Kumari Gupta, who would run at the thought of touching a man so intimately. No, not “a” man. Never just any man. _Him_.

It was easier when he barely knew her. When he thought her a conniver and didn’t know that nothing lives behind her beautiful eyes but honesty. Now, she haunts his every waking thought, his every sleeping dream. _Khushi_. As if she _is_ all the goddamn joy in the world, just as her name suggests.

Sometimes, in his darkest fantasies, he pictures La giving her beloved Chamkili lessons in return. For every ritual, every story from the Ramayana that Khushi tells her, Lavanya teaches her what he likes. How to please him. 

Only she doesn’t need such tutoring. Khushi pleases him without even trying. She gets him hard with just a look. Makes him ache with every hesitant “ _ji_.” He can’t breathe without thinking of her. When he closes her eyes, she’s there, face tilted up for his kiss. How can it be that he’s touched her a thousand times, held her a dozen ways, and never kissed her?

Now he never will.

 _I don’t want to see your face again,_ he told her. _Get out._

He’s marrying the wrong woman.

And he’ll always be the wrong man.

 

\--end--

 

_November 13, 2011._


End file.
